


It's Like Standing on a Cliff's Edge

by mismatched_ideas



Series: It's Easier With You [10]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Nonbinary Yuri Plisetsky, Press Conference, Press and Tabloids, side otayuri, side viktuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-17 01:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11840952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mismatched_ideas/pseuds/mismatched_ideas
Summary: Yuri had been planning this for a while now and they wanted to do they. They really did.They just really wished they didn't feel so afraid.





	It's Like Standing on a Cliff's Edge

“Are you okay?” Otabek asked when Yuri finally arrived at the press conference all the medalists were supposed to attend. 

JJ was already in his seat that would be to Yuri’s left but Otabek had not taken his seat, instead waiting outside the conference room, waiting for Yuri. 

“I’ll be okay.” Yuri smiled, patting Otabek on the arm. “What about you? You know they’re going to ask about your move to New York. And probably about the totally false rumors about us dating.”

Otabek chuckled, glad that Yuri really did seem okay even if he knew his partner wasn’t. Yuri didn’t disappear for no reason and the thing was, even though Yuri hadn’t told anyone but Yuuri about their plans for this press conference, most people in their life suspected. Otabek had suspected since he first saw Yuri’s free program and that suspicion had been nearly confirmed by the blond’s panic that only set in _after_ the skating was done.

Leaning towards Yuri, a little annoyed that he had to push up onto his toes ever so slightly, Otabek spoke quietly into the other’s ear. He honestly didn’t care how it looked because Yuri was right, they really couldn’t pretend they weren’t dating much longer. It wasn't like they had been hiding the relationship, it just seemed easier to not actually tell people they were dating. Neither was that affectionate in public, excluding when drinking was involved, so it was pretty easy to get away with their semi-secret relationship. And, the thing was, most people knew even if they never said it, so at some point they’d have to officially announce it. 

“You don’t have to be okay for me.” Otabek murmured, “And I know you haven't said anything and it’s fine that you didn’t want to, but you know I support you, right?” 

“Beka…” Yuri swallowed dryly, then pulled their boyfriend into a hug. “I know… I’m sorry I keep not telling you things but this… I didn’t even tell Viktor. Yuuri is the only one who knew because he had to know. If I didn’t do it, if I didn’t have the courage, I didn’t want anyone to know I’d been planning it.”

“I wouldn’t have thought of you any worse if you didn’t. And if you still don’t, I’m not going to think less of you.”

“I know.” Yuri smiled, pulling away as an organizer walked out, their concern melting into annoyance. 

“There you two are! What’s been taking so long, you’re both late.”

“Sorry.” Yuri gave them a lazy smile, one that Otabek knew they’d perfected after watching how both Viktor and Yuuri charmed the press and, in Viktor’s case especially, anyone who came in contact with him. It wasn’t the smile either of them would use, it was entirely Yuri’s, but it had the same feeling. Otabek wished he knew how to do the same. “I got lost and Beka had to come save me.”

“It’s fine,” The organizer said with a sigh, “Just come inside so we can get started.”

Yuri turned a bright smile on Otabek then walked into the room, doing a good job of masking their slowly returning panic. 

\---

It took the press a surprisingly long time to turn towards more personal questions and Yuri wasn’t sure if that had to do with the fact that nobody wanted to be the first to ask for comments on information that was entirely speculation or if they really did want to ask JJ more about whether it was hard to raise kids and compete for the fifteenth time. To be fair, those questions were pretty personal but at least they could pretend they were skating related. 

JJ mostly talked about his kids these days, his third had been born in February, and many people suspected that for as much as he loved skating, his family was more important. He’d basically said as much after his first son was born and people questioned the fact that Isabella went back to work as a doctor soon after the birth, leaving JJ and his parents in charge of much of the childcare. For as much as Yuri still disliked JJ’s company and didn’t exactly forgive him for shitty things he’d said in the past, Yuri had a certain amount of respect for the way JJ had chewed out a reporter who suggested he was wasting his potential by taking care of his kids instead of practicing. 

Yuri pointed disinterestedly to a reporter they didn’t recognize and looked pretty young. Yuri hoped he’d ask about their and Otabek’s relationship because even though Yuri knew it was mean, they liked to mess with new reporters. It was something they’d learned from Viktor, to be honest, and some things were hard to unlearn. Especially ones that were meant to protect them from their own fears.

“Hi, yes, I’m John Edison from E News and I was wondering if you could comment on the rumors that you and Otabek are living together in New York City.”

“Hi, John.” Otabek glanced at Yuri and found they had the same predatory smile on that Otabek saw a lot at press conferences. “Didn’t know you guys did sports, let alone figure skating.”

“With the Olympics coming up, interest spikes.” He explained but then blushed, realizing he probably wasn’t meant to actually respond. “Umm… back to question. There are rumors that you and Otabek are living together in New York City.”

“We are.” The smile grew, “What so strange about that? Lots of people have roommates in New York.”

“But the rumor says the apartment is single occupancy.” 

“It is.”

There was a long, awkward silence where the reporter waited for Yuri to say more but got nothing. He was too new to recognize this game, but the other reporters in the room did and it was met with some smiles and chuckles but also some eye rolls and groans. 

“Yuri, stop messing with him,” JJ said, earning the older man a glare.

“Fine, John, do you want a scoop?” 

Otabek even rolled his eyes, though he was a little concerned. Yuri was acting worse than usual and he was pretty sure everyone in the room could tell. Some of the older reporters noticed that this was reminiscent of the only time Viktor ever acted snippy in an interviewer. Well, more than snippy. Yakov had ended the interview abruptly after Viktor called the American reporter something very rude in Russian. That slip up on Viktor’s part had started with his acting like a, in the words of a few less repeatable reporters, ‘mean bitch.’ Better reporters used kinder phrases like ‘queen bee’ or ‘spoiled brat.’ 

“Yes, we’re dating.” Otabek was the one to speak, all eyes turning to him but he was too busy smiling at Yuri. “We’ve been dating for about a year and a half now.”

Yuri held Otabek’s gaze for a long time, looking a little annoyed but also like they realized what Otabek was doing. 

“Who’s next?” Otabek asked, leaving the actual decision up to the organizer while he kept looking at Yuri and mouthed, in Russia, “ _You’re acting like your dad._ ”

It was the vaguest way he could think to tell Yuri to calm down without actually saying that and Otabek would deal with referring to Viktor as Yuri’s dad later. 

Yuri looked away, understanding the statement and obviously not like it. 

After more questions about their relationship, a veteran reporter finally turned things back to skating. Like he did during every press conference, Otabek wondered when it would finally be over. 

“Susan Nahvi from Ice Network. You’ve said before that this season was about change, particularly your free program. Can you talk more about the changes that affected your programs?”

“The last two years or so have brought a lot of change for me. Even before that, my life had been changing a lot since I entered senior competition. About two years ago some of you might remember there were some concerned headlines about my disappearing from Russia not long after European Championships. I’d had a lot of things going on and needed a new perspective, which is what I got from Yuuri and Viktor Katsuki.”

Yuri took a long, deep breath, trying to collect their thoughts and really decide. Was this what they wanted? Would this make them happy even if it backfired? 

They knew the judges would see them differently and the reporters would probably ask rude questions and that they could lose sponsors. They _thought_ this would make them happier, make them feel less like they were lying to everyone and to themselves. 

But it wasn't for sure and they knew this could ruin their life. They wouldn’t be the first to say this. Avery told the press as a junior but that had almost made it easier, people were used to it by the time they were a senior and when it was happening there was a lot less press following them around. Yuri knew it still hadn’t been easy. 

Yuri could also remember two or three other skaters who had come out as trans even if none of them had done it while they were still competing. They’d all been careful to wait until they were comfortably retired to do anything more than hint. 

“I had a lot of things to come to terms with back then. Coming to terms with changes in my family.” Yuri glanced at Otabek with a soft smile on their face. “Coming to terms with my feelings for my best friend.” They turned back to the reporters, “I changed coaches and I changed home rinks. All of the changes in my life were really encompassed in my short program.”

“And your free program?” Susan prompted, “What was that about if those changes were simply affecting your short program?”

“While the original Firebird ballet isn’t originally about rebirth or changes but I chose an abridged version of the Firebird suite that has been used before to detail change and rebirth.” They and Yuuri also thought it would be good to do music from a ballet because that would show Yuri wasn’t a different person, not really. “And that’s really what the last two years have been about for me, as well as this season.”

“Is that why you wanted Yuuri Katsuki as your coach, because of his past experiences with changing his image.”

“Partially.” That was Yuri’s original reasoning, at the least the one they told people, but they knew they had admired Yuuri’s skating since his first, and unfortunate, Grand Prix final. “But Yuuri is also one of the best skaters to ever grace this sport so it made sense to choose him.”

Yuri could see where Yuuri and Viktor were standing, near JJ’s parents, and smirked when his coach blushed deeply.

Susan sat down and Yuri realized they’d sort of missed their chance to tell the world who they were. But was that a sign? Was that their mind saying it wasn’t time yet?

“John Edison again.” Came a voice as reporters quieted down. “There’s been a lot of talk about your free costume and how reminiscent it is of many of Viktor’s Junior's costumes. Was it designed by Viktor?”

“He had a hand in it, but it was mostly Yuuri and me.” Yuri smiled, feeling like they were going to throw up again. “But it is similar to Viktor’s old costumes in a way. When Viktor was young – a long time ago, I know.” Some of the reporters laughed and Viktor did his best to not make a childish face at Yuri. They were in public after all. “But when he was young his costumes were often meant to… what did people say? They were meant to evoke both genders I think is what someone once said.” 

Yuri knew they were rambling, trying to find the right words. The words they should have simply prepared ahead of time. The words that should have been said at a press conference that they planned in coordination with Yuuri. Words that never should have been said off the cuff at a too long press conference after the Grand Prix finals. 

“My Firebird costume was meant to do something similar. To be somewhere in-between male and female.” 

Yuri didn’t realize how hard they were gripping their own leg until Otabek’s hand tapped his. Yuri glanced over and saw Otabek wasn't looking at them but the moment they let go of their leg, Otabek grabbed tightly to Yuri’s hand. They took a shaky breath, feeling comfortable and safe when Otabek gave their hand a small squeeze. 

“I’m not– I don’t–” They paused, forcing the air out of their lungs. To their left, JJ looked genuinely concerned. “Figure Skating used to seem to me like a place where everyone could be who they were, could show the world who they were, but that was obviously naïve because figure skating is about showing the world who you are as long as who you are is what people, what the judges, want to see. But I want figure skating to be about who I am and that’s why I don’t care if I end my career by being myself.” 

They smirked cockily at the press, trying to remember where their endless confidence came from as a teenager. Getting older apparently meant also realizing that no matter how great you are, you’re still not perfect. Puberty apparently meant realizing that sometimes, other people held your life in their hands and they could drop you at any moment, shattering your confidence and your happiness. 

Yuri found Yuuri’s eyes and he smiled, giving them a thumbs up that made Yuri feel a little better. Next to Yuuri, Viktor was smiling widely as if to say that he knew and that Yuri could do this. 

They never said it but Yuri loved them both.

“Two years ago I left Russia because I was confused about a lot of things. I returned to Russia less confused and with steps to continue to make myself comfortable with who I am. This isn’t for you, it’s for me; this is my next step.” 

They swallowed, trying to remember all the things they needed to remember. Their family loved them. Their friends loved them. Yuuri and Viktor loved them. Otabek loved them.

It was like standing on a cliff's edge, wearing a bungee cord that might break at any moment. They didn't know if it would hold when they jumped but if they stayed put, then they'd never forgive themself for not trying, for not finding out if the cord would hold. 

“I’m Yuri Plisetsky, I’m one of the top skaters in the world, and I’m nonbinary.” 

The moment it was out, they felt better. At least when the room was silent.

Then the room became more like standing next to a freight train.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't love how this turned out and thought about not posting it but, like, then I thought "screw it"


End file.
